A song for my grandma

This song makes me think of my grandma. She loved old traditional hymns and the lyrics to this one are beautiful....I really can't wait to be reunited with those I have lost, "in the sweet by & by"


There’s a land that is fairer than day,
And by faith we can see it afar;
For the Father waits over the way
To prepare us a dwelling place there.

Refrain:In the sweet by and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore;
In the sweet by and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore.

We shall sing on that beautiful shore
The melodious songs of the blessed;
And our spirits shall sorrow no more,
Not a sigh for the blessing of rest.
To our bountiful Father above,
We will offer our tribute of praise
For the glorious gift of His love
And the blessings that hallow our days.

The Loss of my Grandma is a unique one

My grandma has been gone since Sunday. It was so unexpected that the first day I was in shock. I couldn't believe it. Now that I've had a few days, I've thought a lot about things and my relationship with my grandma. For one I don't feel guilty or regretful. I saw her, talked to her or emailed with her every single day since I was born. I am now almost 27. I didn't do it out of obligation or duty. I loved her and she was my friend. As sort of a "loner", I don't talk to many people and have a hard time getting people to understand me. My grandma would listen to me say anything and never judged or repeated anything.

I would always stop by, eat a meal with them, bring them a treat (my grandma loved Starbucks or ice cream), remembered them on every holiday and birthday, and attended Women's Club with my grandma. Even when I worked full-time, I always MADE time. So I'm glad that I don't have the heaviness of regret or guilt hanging over me. I loved her while she was alive and treated her well. And I know that she knew I loved her. She was always pleased when I brought her things, even though she always told me not to. She enjoyed that I was at Women's Club with her. I also joined Friends of the Library as well. I had some really good times with her.

What is the hardest for me is this visceral feeling of loss....a complete and total upheaval that is actually physical. I think about her all the time, although now the thoughts don't make me cry. I think of happy things, and try not to dwell on sad things although it can be hard. I just hope that if there really is a "heaven" or an afterlife that I can see her again and talk to her just like always, and tell her everything she will have missed. It is so tough.

The worst day ever

My grandma died yesterday. It was so unexpected that I am literally in shock. I knew she had been depressed and having issues with her feet....but I didn't think it would come to this. I'm glad that I did visit her so much and do things with her while she was here but that's little comfort. My poor grandpa is left alone, my mom and my aunt are devastated. She was like a mother to me, my sister and my 2 cousins. I feel numb and disoriented. It is so awful. I hope that it is true that one day we meet up again somewhere....I saw her on Saturday night and knew something was wrong with her but I didn't know what to say. Yesterday she went to the ER in the morning and then in the afternoon she had a heart attack and never came back. It was so scary and sad when we had to say goodbye....I had no preparation at all and I never thought I would see her that way. My heart is broken and a part of me has gone with her....she was the best grandma and also a friend, I loved her with all my heart.